I haven’t written in a while, and I do have a good reason. No, really. My life has taken an upward surge, I suppose, in some ways.
My parents visited for a couple of weeks- this means I had to get off my butt to get things done and be a good host. I had to go out, be functional and active, no excuses. I feel like I’m in a better place now- I’m not homesick, I’m not sad and I don’t sit and cry when I do the dishes or clean the house, thinking about how I’ve never had to do it before: I know how silly that sounds, but it’s one of those pen-dropped-and-a-hurricane-happened moments.
A big reason for this (much) better mood is because (personally, I wanted to show them everything about my new life and how I can handle it, or that I am trying to, and) I wanted to make sure Amma and Daadu felt like they were on holiday. No, they’re not guests in this house, but I just thought they haven’t had a proper holiday in over 3 years and they deserve some rest and relaxation. For the first time, I didn’t feel like it was work- all these domestic chores. That has been the biggest change, and I have Amma to thank for that.
I loved taking care of them, cooking for them. I loved that none of it was on a screen on my laptop and we could actually talk, laugh, cry and argue together. I won’t say it was perfect. It was stressful and tiring at times, but I got something from it I didn’t even realise I needed- that I can be here and be functional, by myself. I am a daughter and will always be, but I am also my own person, away from them, literally. It’s so ironic- I used to fight with them about my individuality when we did live together and it became the very same reason for a dramatic, illogical struggle within myself when I moved here.
Come Sunday departure-morning, I wasn’t whining and hurting for them to stay. I knew they had to go back and that was ok. I was sad, and I did hug them and cry but I know the next few months is not going to be like the first four of how my arrival here was. I will not pine from the inexplicable pain of separation. I got the reassurance I needed- love beats distance and this is proof. I have got my closure from moving away from my beloved Bangalore, so much so that I can now realistically think of calling Hamburg my second home.
The universe really does work in magical ways- it so happened that the day they went back to India was Easter Sunday- the coming of Spring and switching time. Longer, sunnier days are here, literally! Time really does heal and it has taught me that patience is the least stressful way to resolution and peace of mind.
There’s another reason for happier days: Heiko and I now have a four-legged daughter, but more about that in my next post!