As I approach another number and it seems dauntingly big, even though the logic part of my head tells me it’s just another birthday, there is something about reaching your mid-20s, maybe?
In those few days in a year (every year) that demand reflection, (especially when big numbers are approaching like massive unstoppable asteroids), something I watched today made me want to write this post.
When I was five, I wanted to be on TV. As the years passed, it circled constantly from wanting to be an actor, a pop star or a news reporter. In between all these seemingly glamorous professions, being an astronomer or a veterinarian also made the list. Unfortunately, as more years went by, I found I had very little aptitude for Math and Science, and I crossed the last two off.
I was content holding the mic (the TV remote) and perform for an invisible audience, singing aloud and dancing, talking to the fans and answer questions. I remember my father sneakily watch me hug a “fellow celebrity” ( the mirror) during one such performance.
Teenage years were confusing and awkward as hell, what with body changes and an unwilling fringe that my mom decided would look good on me (it didn’t and I wish pictures from that time didn’t exist). But my favorite thing to do was still sing along in my room with the door closed and turn the volume up to muffle my dancing (it was pretty intense). I particularly remember how I entertained my mother by wearing her dupatta as a saree (I love sarees, and always have!), using water as fake tears and dancing to Maar Daala and using my mother’s hand to fake slap me at the very end. You can see the stunning Madhuri Dixit here and the song I’m talking about:
To the outside world, I wanted to be a journalist- report stories on TV and have a signature closing. In my mind, it was, “I’m Sandhya reporting from *insert somewhere dangerous and/or exciting* and you’re watching *insert name of biggest, most successful news channel*”. I know, it’s not so signature. I keep telling my 14-year-old self that.
As I graduated high school and got into college, it became more and more clear what I wanted- a communication and marketing job where I was indispensable and the best, looking stunning doing it!
Now, as an adult (or that’s what I’m supposed to be), if you asked me what I want to be when I grow up, I would say still say the latter, and add some other things as well:
When I grow up, I want to be a part of a happy family- when it’s nuclear or when it’s full with the extended! I want to feel like an adult and a child. I want to travel and document it. I still want to be able to fit into XS clothes and sometimes look only 18. I want to wake up with the occasional hangover just to remind myself that I don’t really want that.
Most importantly, I still want to able walk down a street with my earphones looking like nothing is out of place, but letting the inner pop diva take over with the coolest and most sophisticated dance move at a sold out stadium concert in my head.
What do you want to be when you grow up?