Mother’s Day Firsts

Even before the morning I peed on a stick, I theoretically understood what was happening. Even after both the lines appeared for positive, with all the smiles, hugs, telling Amma and Mama, I still understood, only in theory, that life was going to change so much for Heiko and me.

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No, not until that first ultrasound, till the doctor pointed to a tiny beating dot and said, “That’s the heart”, and measured some number in millimeters did I quite  get a grip on the thing growing inside me that I am starting to love so much. There are a lot of things I don’t understand, this is definitely one of them.

On one hand, as we watch how das Baby formed its organs and is now starting to grow, I think of it as a little alien, forming and becoming bigger, using my body to nest and sucking up all my energy. On the other, as I read about what is happening week to week, I think, “Oh my god! You’re literally shitting inside me, you little rascal!”

I cannot comprehend this feeling of completely senseless love. I have felt this way about my puppies, but now I feel it more with Sophie and it has gained exponentially in strength and fierceness. I suppose it’s as close, for now, that I can get to understanding the love each of our mothers, biological and otherwise have for every one of us.

I identify with Mr. George Eliot, ” Life began with waking up and loving my mother’s face.” And I only hope that das Baby has the privilege of being  as loved as I am by my Mamma and all the other amazing mothers I have in my life.  Happy Mother’s Day to you, you beautiful carer!  Here’s a happy “Hi!” from 15-week old belly.

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4 thoughts on “Mother’s Day Firsts

  1. What a brilliant way to begin my day – by reading this. I cannot imagine the brilliance you’re experiencing, but may you only have the very best of it all. So much love and many hugs to you. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

      • It’s like saying you’re not alone, but you are alone in this experience that is only yours. However, I’ll say, that if you’re in it, it’s because you have the power to handle it. The realisation of it may unfold layer by layer, in time. And of course you’re immensely loved by many, so 🙂

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