All Aboard the Mothership

A year ago, my peach-sized embryo was turning into a fetus. It was wonderful feeling of anticipation to be part of Mother’s Day because I was theoretically already there.

This new role has given me a clarity I have never had before and I wish I could put it aptly into words. It has given me so much focus and steady purpose, and the biggest blessing of all- it has taught me to prioritize. I used to be the kind of person who would make a fuss to have my cake and eat it. But now, putting K over anything else is like driving on autopilot. It’s a no-brainer.

I have learned to be calm and patient (“Patience? Really?” – former me would say). K makes me want to be the very best version of myself so that I can give him my absolute one hundred percent. And that brings me to this:

After all these years, I see my mothers, biological and otherwise through a different light. It was a kind of disillusionment that shattered me at first. But I am slowly coming to realize that none of them ever claimed or pretended to be perfect. All my mothers are also people, flawed, prone to misjudgment and mistakes, sometimes faltering and sometimes needing a shoulder to lean on.

I am beginning to know now how much work it all is; how much physical and mental strength is required to get through one day- joyful or downright awful, although the former is naturally preferred.

Today, I want to say, to all the mothers I know : I’m sorry for the times I didn’t understand. I’m sorry for the times I didn’t let you have a time out and cut you some slack. I’m sorry for not understanding that even though you are an amazing, super woman, you want a few moments to yourself, to just be human and touch the ground once in a while, feel the sand and take a breath before becoming a ten-handed, multitasking, nurturing, endlessly loving rockstar.

Two years ago, a woman said that she felt more superior than us because she is a mother and we were not. Of all the things I feel about being a mother, superiority would be the last on my list. I’ve seen motherhood as a humbling experience, one that I am most grateful for and feel so blessed to experience. It’s tests, troubles and victories have churned me inside and out, making me drown in emotions I never thought one person can handle. It’s the stuff that keeps me believing in love being the most powerful force we possess and how truly happy and content it can make each one of us- to love and be loved.

Motherhood is a feeling, they say, and it doesn’t solely depend on biology. Tarzan and Mowgli are proof of that. Dogs, cats, rabbits and guinea pigs are proof of that. Sophie is proof of that.

My love as a mother is reliable and steady, getting exponentially stronger every single day from the moment we brought Sophie home.

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